


Flashbacks

by queenmestyles



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Dunkirk, F/M, Fluff, Sad, Solider Harry Styles, War, World War II, major angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 05:45:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16927563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenmestyles/pseuds/queenmestyles
Summary: "if you only knew how much those little moments with you mattered to me."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> grab some tissues

"And, sign here."

I was finally here getting the marriage license framed. I don't know why it took me this long. I promised him I'd get it done so he could look at it before he left. I guess I kept putting it off so he'd stay. 

"Thank you," she said, taking back the pen and receipt.

I waited patiently at the desk waiting for her to hand me the frame. My mind was wandering, and I couldn't help but go back to what happened a few days ago.

_"Ma'am.." the police officer stood on the door step as I swung open the front door. He handed me an envelope, and a dog chain with Alex's initials engraved on one side, and his credentials on the other._

_"I'm so sorry." I knew this would happen. I told him to not to go._

_I shook my head, a single tear flooding down my cheek. I smiled, and nodded. "Well," I sighed. "I suppose I should have seen it coming. Thank you."_

_I quickly closed the door. I pressed my back against the door, staring at the chain. I took a deep breath, and looked to the picture frame hung up on the wall next to the door. The day Alex made us both go get pictures when he got his uniform._

_"Okay," I whispered. "I'm gonna be okay. Don't worry 'bout me, love."_

"Lady," the woman behind the desk broke me out of my thoughts.

"Oh," I took the bag she was handing me. "Thank you." I said, quickly barging out of the building.

I stood at the side of the road, raising my hand to get the attention of a taxi, to take me back into town. When he pulled up to the side of the road, I slipped inside of the taxi.

_"Where to girls?" the taxi cab driver asked._

_Anne and a bunch of the girls decided that since we were finally out of school, we'd celebrate. I wasn't too fond of the idea of going dancing, but it gave her an excuse to get out of the house and drag me along with her. We stepped out of the taxi and onto the corner where "Club Blitz" stood._

_"Gee, I love this place." Anne cheesed, grabbing my hand an pulling me inside behind our group."You have to try to have fun, you're 18! Come on, put the new dress to good use!" she laughed, knowing full well I didn't wanna be here tonight._

_The whole club was dancing in unison. The band was loud, the vibe was fun, and the only thing people worried about was when the club would close down for the night. I decided to let go, and jive with the whole group. When the song ended, people settled to take a breather, and the next song began._

_"Lets go get water before we pass out." I laughed, pushing my way through the crowd towards the bar._

_"A water please." I asked politely._

_"Ooh, someone has eyes for you." Anne nodded in a direction to my left._

_Green eyes, tall frame, short hair... I ripped my gaze back to Anne, and shook my head._

_"Are you kidding! You're so single. What is talking to him gonna hurt?" she asked, genuinely shocked._

_The bartender placed a glass of water in front of me. I picked up the glass thanking him, and sitting on the stool._

_"I'm sitting right here, and I'm not talking to him." I said, sipping from my straw._

_"Well, I'm gonna go dance." she started to walk away. She quickly came back grabbing my water and taking a sip. "And I hope he comes over here, too!" she exclaimed, running back into the crowd._

I shook my head, breaking out of the thought. We passed the diner, the theater. "Club Blitz" on the corner. I tore my eyes away from the window, sighing. Everywhere I went, there we were, frozen, like a picture. And everyone knew that wherever we went, adventure followed. There were memories all over this town.

_"Why are you sitting alone?" I looked to my right and saw the boy towering over me._

_"What an awful creepy thing to say to someone sitting alone." I took a sip of my water._

_He froze._

_"_ _My friends are dancing."_

_"Why not you?" he sat next to me._

_I looked at him. He wore a white tee-shirt with a pocket, and dark grey trousers. His hair was ruffled, and he definitely was handsome._

_"I don't dance_ _really_ _, but I promised to try to have fun." I explained._

_"So, you're boring?" he asked. Teasing? This boy is flirting with me._

_"My, you have a way with words..." I paused. "I'm Alex." he smiled, dimples popping._

_Oh, the dimples. "I'm Abigail." I returned the smile._

_"Oh, you have dimples! That's cute."_

_Blushing, I turned to look at the crowd. Meeting eyes with Anne, she smiled from ear to ear, clapping her hands together. I looked back to the boy, still staring at me._

_"What?" I asked. He shook his head._

_"Its just, I come here with my friends a lot, and I've never seen a face like yours... let alone me come talk to them."_

_"Ah, so I'm a first."_

_His face twisted. "Kind of, you're the first one to actually return the smile. Gals around here are..." he sucked in a breath._

_"Rude, and too focused on their hair. I work in the beauty shop, I know what you're referring to." He sat up, nodding once._

_"Then we have something in common. I have a proposal." he started._

_I looked at him, listening. "You either dance with me, or I take you on a date."_

_I gave a small smile, and noticed my group waving me down, we were leaving. "Come talk to me tomorrow at the beauty shop, and we'll figure something out." I smiled, running towards my group._

_As I was about to sit in the car, when I looked behind me to see Alex standing at the door, smiling and waving. I returned the smile, and shut the door behind me._

_"TELL ME EVERYTHING!"_


	2. Flashbacks

I pulled the key out of the front door, closing it behind.

"Afteroon, Dimples." I smiled at the framed picture. The nickname stuck, and always will. 

I put all my belongings away, and grabbed a hammer and a nail, taking the framed license and hunting for a place to hang it. Standing back, looking at the perfectly leveled picture, I patted myself on the back for not bashing my finger. I was about to start the stove up, when the doorbell rang. I noticed the familiar looking car outside, and I swung the front door open. 

"I got your letter." Anne said, smiling sympathetically. "I'm so sorry Abby, I know you were both so in love, and I'm so sorry."

I stepped to the side, letting her in. Her suitcase followed, I needed company for the memorial service, and I knew Anne would. 

"Was Sebastian okay with you staying? How is he feeling?" I asked, curious.

Her husband left like Alex, but came home after being involved in an explosion. His knees were slightly damaged, and he wasn't allowed to return. 

"He was more than okay, you know that." she said, slipping off her jacket, and sitting down on the sofa. I followed suit. "He is well, he's been having therapy, and he can manage on his own for a while." she smiled.

I nodded, happy he was doing okay. Wishing that a knee problem was all I had to worry about... but it wasn't.

"Are you.. okay?" she asked, leaning her elbows on her knees.

I shrugged, not knowing how to answer the question. 

"You'd think I would have been crying a lot," I started, taking a deep breath.

"But it doesn't seem real. I still think every time I hear the phone ring, or a knock at the door that he's home early." I explained, honestly. "It hasn't quite... connected."

"You're the strongest person I know, Abby." I shook my head. "No, you're a lot stronger than you think!" I smiled, at the memory jogged.

_We were at the state fair. Popcorn, cotton candy, clowns, games, you name it._

_"Are you having fun, or am I boring you?" I looked up at Alex, who looked extremely nervous._

_"I'm having a wonderful time." I answered honestly._

_"Good, because I'm not good at first dates."_

_"Yeah the, like what, 3rd one you've been on." I giggled, just guessing._

_"Actually yes."_

_It was starting to get dark, and the lights of the park attractions were starting to turn on._

_"Hey look," I turned my gaze to the direction he was pointing to._

_A small boy and his father at the high striker, trying to win a stuffed bear._

_"You should try it."_

_"What? No, I could never get it to the top." he shook his head._

_The father in front of us hit the target, making it go up half way._

_"This is the part of the date where you try to prove your manly-ness, now, go over there and win me that purple bear." I fake demanded, nudging his elbow._

_"Right, okay." he coughed, handing the worker correct change._

_Alex wrapped his fingers around the large hammer, looking once up at the bell, and once at me._

_"You can do it, Alexander." I teased._

_He rolled his eyes, looking at the target again. Bringing the hammer high above his head, and slamming it down on the target in one quick motion. Sending it all the way to the bell. Alex dropped the hammer, his jaw dropped, and arms over his head._

_I applauded, and laughed, as my jaw also dropped. "I'll take that purple bear, please." Alex told the worker, still shocked._

_He made his way over to me, handing me the bear. "You're stronger than you think, Alex."_

"Man, you guys were perfect." Anne commented as we ate supper, and I told her about the bear.  
"He was a legend."

I smiled at her comment. "I'll tell you, I have so many stories, he made me swear to not tell a bunch." "Okay, well, now you have to tell me!" 

I looked at the clock, and back down at the ring on my finger. "Well,"

_"Oh my gosh, Alex, why are you here?" I asked, rolling my eyes._

_I had five minutes before work was over._

_He placed a hand on his chest. "My, my. I'll leave if that's what you want."_

_I chuckled, smiling at him."Why, Alex, I'm delighted to see you. What shade of lipstick would you like to try?" I mocked enthusiasm._

_He hummed and leaned against the counter. "The shade you're wearing is quite nice." he flirted._   
_"I'm actually here because I want to take you out."_

_"We went to dinner a few nights ago."_

_He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "Not the diner, we can't keep going there every other night."_

_I gasped, pointing at him. "Hey, I love milkshakes, okay."_

_I went to the back room and told my boss I was leaving, and grabbed my things. I followed Alex out to his car, and slipped into the passenger side._

_"So, where are going, Dimples?" I asked._

_"I don't know, maybe the middle of nowhere?"_

_I fake gasped. "Are you planning a murder?"_

_"Maybe." he winked._

I yawned. "I have to go to bed."

"ABBY!" Anne slammed a hand on my mattress we were sitting on.

"You don't end a story like that! Its like ripping out the end half of a book!"

I laughed, yawning again. "You're here for four days, Anne, I'll tell you the rest tomorrow."

"Maybe less if you keep throwing cliff hangers at me." she giggled, starting towards the door.   
  


"Goodnight!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song: photograph by Ed Sheeran

I woke up the next morning to silence, as usual. But was startled when I heard singing from down the hall. I almost forgot she was here. I'm glad she is though.

I sat up and stretched, rubbing my eyes. When I opened them, Anne was walking into the room, and she sat in front of me like we were sitting last night. 

"Good morning." she waved. "Finish the story."

I laughed, slipping out of bed. "Let me pee, woman."

_"A picnic!" I held a hand on my chest, excited._

_"Its free, and a lot more fun." he reasoned._

_I nodded in agreement. "You little devil."_

_This was only our 5th date, and I didn't know where it was going. Were we just friends? I didn't wanna be the first person to say anything, I didn't like the idea of ruining what we had._

_We sat, and talked. Laughed our heads off, and snacked on crackers and cheese._

_"Abigail?" he broke the silence._

_"Hmm?" I asked, sitting up straight, him following suit._

_"I like you a lot." he started._

_I was silent._

_"This is the part where you say you like me too."_

_"Oh! Sorry, I do like you, I like you quite a lot." I agreed._

_It was silent. For a moment._

_"I'm not good at these things, but my friends keep asking about us, and I don't know the answer. But I think I do now, and I'd love to call you mine if you let me." he twiddled his fingers, staring at the action of his digits._

_I raised my shoulders up against my head cheesing, like a little giddy girl in a candy shop._

_"Is that a yes?" he chuckled at my reaction._

_"Oh, you." I softly hit his shoulder. "Yes, I'll be yours, if you'll be mine."_

"And he didn't kiss you?" Anne asked, dumbfounded. 

I shook my head. He tried, but it rained, and when we got in the car he was focused on driving.

"It worked out the way it was supposed to." I smiled, slipping on my jacket. "Ready?" 

We pulled into the diner's parking lot, and and ran towards the door, trying to beat the rain. We walked in and Dot immediately walked to us. 

"Hello, girls. Nice to see some familiar faces." she smiled.

"Can we have booth #4?"

"Anything for Alex's girl." she spoke, shooting a pang of hurt through my heart. 

She didn't mean it, she doesn't even know. Dot was the old lady who ran the place with her husband. She was here to serve me and Alex every time we were here.

"Abby?" Anne broke my thought, and I hummed in response. "Did you ever read the envelope he sent?" she asked. 

I looked down at my cherry cola, knowing I had to answer honestly.

"I haven't."

"Why?"

I knew what he wrote. A long apology about how I was right. He wrote it knowing something would happen, and wanted to make sure I got something if he did pass.

"I'm not ready. Not ready emotionally, or mentally." I responded. She nodded, understanding.


	4. Chapter 4

_Abigail, its your turn. Go. Fish." Alex chuckled._

_We were sat on his front porch, in the middle of summer. It was burning hot outside. I went against what the other girls do, when they would wear dresses to look good, but burn up from the heat, I wore the new shorts that came into the shop. The looked like swimsuit bottoms, but were stylish and not too short._

_I placed a card into the pile and he groaned. I won._

_"I have an idea."_

_I perked up, ready to hear his idea._

_"What trouble are we gonna get into today?" I asked._

_"Well, maybe not trouble, but lets go see a film. Its cooler in the theater."_

_Kids got a point._

"I'm surprised the movie theater is still standing." Anne commented, pointing to the old building.

"I hope they never tear it down. I have too many memories there." I smiled to myself.

"Like what? Did you do something naughty in there?" she smirked.

I turned my head to look at her, trying not to blush. "Not naughty."

_Our foreheads were pressed together, the movie long forgotten. Somehow we ended up making out in the back of the theater, missing a large chunk of the film. We were breathing hard, and trying not to laugh when we pulled away._

_"I wasted money on a film." I closed my eyes._

_"Nah, it was worth it."_

"Oh, the baseball field. I forgot about that!" she laughed. 

I smiled, remembering all the games we went to as groups.

"Have any memories there?"

"Yeah, but just with you and the girls."

And Alex.

_Alex bought tickets to the game at the ball park, but something happened, and we ended up making out against the front door of our new home._

_"Screw it" are the words Alex used because we were too focused on each other to even leave._

"What other places did you guys leave your mark on?"

_The back alley behind the fair grounds. My back still stings from being slammed against the brick wall._

_His car. We parked at the very back of a drive in, sitting in the back seat, trying to be as quiet as possible._

_Our house._

"Not that many places, you've been to most of them. We traveled a lot too." I shrugged as she pulled into the driveway of my house.

We walked inside, and I started pulling out the supplies to make dinner. Our cruise down memory lane working up an apatite. 

"I missed this little town. It hasn't changed much." Anne sighed, settling into a kitchen chair.

We were both finished with our dinner, and I was fixing our evening tea.

"This picture is beautiful, Abby."

I let her look at the small five page scrap book from when we went and had pictures taken after he got his uniform. I sat in the chair next to her, and took the picture out of the sleeve. It was the day after we were married. We were both smiling at each other, my ring on display. We looked so happy. And I couldn't help but think about how much easier it was before he had told me he was leaving.

_"Sorry about the burnt bacon."_

_"Its okay, I forgive you." I giggled, throwing the burnt pieces in the trash._

_"But thank you for breakfast." I smiled, sitting in my chair, sipping my tea._

_"Abigail, I have to tell you something." he spoke quietly._

_"Yes, love?" I asked._

_His eyes met mine, and I could see guilt._

_"Whats the matter?" I tried not to let my breathing become rapid._

_"Have you been with someone else-"_

_"God, no." he spoke quickly, I released a sigh of relief. "I enlisted." he said, sucking all the air out of the room._

_I dropped my tea cup, shattering it on the table. Alex was quick to get up and help clean the mess I made. Kneeling in front of me, he was trying to decode my emotions._

_"You're unhappy."_

_"Damn right I'm unhappy, Alex." I stood, pacing through the kitchen._

_"Why?" I asked. "You're still young. You have a home, you have me, we have a future!" I explained._

_"Everyone I know is out there fighting and I'm not. I'm here." he shook his head, crossing his arms._

_"Yes, Alex, you are here. With me. Safe." I pointed to myself. "You're with me."_

_He nodded, looking at the window._

_"Too many people in this neighborhood are saying goodbye to their loved ones, and then getting bad news. I am not gonna be one of those girls Alex." I raised my voice._

_"Then don't be! Whats stopping you from leaving!?" he raised his voice higher._

_I inaudibly gasped._

_"I need... I need a bit." he said grabbing his jacket off the couch, and walking out the door._

"And I still don't know where he went to this day." I explained. 

It wasn't even a month ago, he hasn't been gone that long, and it all happened too fast.

"Wow." Anne spoke after a while.

"We never fought. And that was the only fight we ever had." I twisted my ring on my finger, admiring it.

Remembering everything. 

"Abby, you have to read the envelope. If you don't you'll regret it."


	5. Chapter 5

_I sat on my bed, finished sobbing. I was calm. But still didn't want him leaving. Not now, not ever. I heard the front door open, and I prayed he would come in here saying, "Just kidding" or "I won't go"._

_He walked in, and sat in front of me, looking at me. We both stayed silent, waiting to see who was gonna talk first._

_"I don't want you to be unhappy," he started. "But I need to do this. They need help, and I want to be that help."_

_"You can help from here." I fought back._

_"They need me. As soon as I signed my name, they were already setting up my depart day. They need men." he explained. I shook my head._

_"I'm not happy. But if you must, fine. We'll take it day by day. We'll make this work."_

I was sitting in the same spot when we talked. The envelope sat in front of me, Anne was showering, and I had my bedroom to myself. 

"Abby, open it." I said to myself.

I heard a knock at my door, and Anne walked in. Her hair still wet. 

"I'm gonna go to bed, do you need anything?" I shook my head. "Did you read it?" she asked.

"The more I stare at it the braver I get." I spoke, lightly chuckling.

She patted my shoulder, and laughed. "Call me if you need me, okay?"

_"Abigail!" I ran down the stairs, finding Alex on the front porch._

_"What are you doing?"_

_"I have to ask you a questing before we go." I was taken aback._

_"Go? Where are we going?" He shook his head, grabbing my hands._

_"You look beautiful for where we're going. Can I ask you a question?" he asked._

_He looked nervous, like our first date. "Anything." I smiled, nodding._

_"Will you marry me?"_

I groaned quietly, rolling onto my back, holding the envelope. 

"You're being a sissy, open the damn envelope, Abby." I said firmly.

I sat up and sat it in front of me. "God, he'd be so upset with me if he knew I was acting like this."

_We sat in the car, a ring on my finger, and papers proving we were married in between us. We both looked at each other._

_"When I get back we can have a real wedding." I nodded._

_"I now pronounce you husband and wife." he mocked. I giggled._

_"You can kiss your bride now."_


	6. Chapter 6

Why can't I do this. I'm 20 years old, I am married, I have a house and a job, but I can't open a letter.

_He leaves in fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes left with this man who stole my heart, and gave me his return._

_"We have time to go get a milkshake..." I joked, causing him to laugh._

_"Almost like we have time to go dancing."_

_"Or go to the fair." I smiled, looking down at my shoes._

_I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly._

_"I'll be back."_

_"Yes, you will. You have to." I said, tearing up._

_I pulled away, and he kissed my cheek. "I will. I will."_

_I lost my breath when the train pulled up to the station._

_"I love you more than you'll ever know. Take care of yourself, don't cry." he said, wiping my cheek._

_He backed away, and let go of my hand. This was all happening in slow motion. Halfway to the train, he turned around smiling and waving like at the club way back._

_"Be safe!" I shouted, knowing he heard me when his arms went up over his head like on our first date at the high striker way back._

_I sucked in a breath, and watched the train leave, him sticking his head out the window, blowing kisses._

_"Goodbye, my love."_

"God I'm a wimp." I ripped open the envelope. 

It was  **3:23 am**. Tomorrow I have to watch them bury him, and I need to read this letter. For him, and for  _myself_. 

And I need to go to sleep.

_Dearest Abigail,_

_My love, I know you'd repeatedly told me that I will return from war safely, at least that's what we both wanted it to be. You know I have to somewhat side with the 'what if I don't', I wouldn't want to leave you without my last words. So here's a letter, a part of me that may stay with you til the end of time. Please do not become a solitary soul for what's happened, remember when I told you your soul is evergreen no matter what happens? That every bit is true. Every word of that sentence and every letter of those words are true, don't let even one letter of those words disappear. Our love made us strong and you've built confidence and trust within my words. Take this letter as the part of my soul that is still living, because I know even though I am no longer physically seen, my soul will always be searching for you, and come back to you. You are the finest woman on the world, you're more precious than gold. From the moment I met you when we were 18, I knew. I fancied you then I fell in love with you. It's funny and cliche how they say you will just know it when you're in love, but it's true. I want you to know I will never stop loving you, and that from the moment I loved you goodbye and went off to war, to the final breath I took, I was always thinking of you. I never stop, never will, not even after I've died. I love you, remember this. Forget and let go of everything else but my love, our love. I will always be watching over you. Yours always,_ **Alex** _._

I dropped the letter on my bed, and paced around my room. I shook my head, letting out a sob.

My first breakdown since he'd left.

I heard running footsteps, and my door swung open, Anne running in, hugging and comforting me. "It's okay, it's okay."

It was chilly. 

But, they gave me his coat that he left behind. He had a picture of me in one pocket, and a locket in the other.  _In Loving memory_... He'll always be in my memory, that's for sure.

"Thank you for being everything I ever wanted and needed in life." I sniffed, smiling.

"Guess I found my closure in all these flashbacks." I said laughing to myself. 

I started to walk away, but froze. I walked back and stood in front of his stone.

"I love you,  _Dimples_."


End file.
